Sexed Up

I might be a genius.

I may also be a moron. I haven't quite decided.

There are lots of very clever people who will tell you that we're in a recession, and it's all our fault for borrowing too much money. They'll use words like “interest” “liquidation” and “inflation”. This “recession” hasn't really affected me because I never had any money to begin with, and my opinion is probably very naieve because I don't know anything about “stock market shareholders” because really, what would be the point in polluting my mind with such nonsense?

But the way I see it... the banks have big machines that print money. One day they decide to tell us there's a recession because we all used to much credit, which doesn't make much much sense when you consider that credit doesn't exist. If you apply for a loan somebody just types a figure into a computer and it's transferred into your account from thin air, they haven't done anything – the only tangible, physical result is the interest that you'll be paying for the next God knows how many years.

But anyway – we're told there's a recession so everybody panics. We're told to cut back and preserve our precious funds. But why? If money really was in short supply, the most logical thing to do would be to spend more of it, thus keeping the economy afloat.

What inevitably happens is, once we hear there's a credit crunch on the way, we stop buying “luxury items”, which means the independent shop keepers who can't compete price-wise with the supermarkets and global chains are the first to go out of business.

The fact that a few shops close down increases everybody's panic – it's not just in the papers anymore, it's in the streets! And then other businesses start to worry, and fearing they're not going to remain afloat they start making cuts, closing branches and sacking staff... and the whole thing goes on and on in self perpetuating nonsense.

If you look at post “credit crunch” Britain, the majority of people affected are those who worked in independent businesses or had jobs deemed “non essential”. Funny how none of the major banks, supermarkets or clothing manufacturers went out of businesses. Funny how we could still afford to pay a bunch of borderline retarded celebrities millions of pounds to run around a field kicking a bit of leather, or star in mind numbingly banal hollywood blockbusters. Funny how no solicitors, politicians or priests lost their jobs... Wait a minute, it's not funny!.....

A more paranoid individual might think the whole thing was a load of bollocks! That it had, in fact, been deliberately engineered to destroy independent business, and further the world domination of the multi national corporations........ Not to mention just keeping everyone afraid of something.

You have to wonder, had the papers and TV not embarked on their scaremongering campaign and generated all this panic in the first place, would anything have changed?

But, as I say, I don't really understand the system. Those people in offices who'll tell you that you can't just print more money because of a surplus amount of tax deductible dividends and too much clink on the stuffer-expander are right, but only within that very small world. It's like being in a swimming pool, and someone telling you that you have to kick your legs or you'll drown. It's true, it's irrefutable logic – but also ignoring the fact you could just get out of the pool. Once you're stood in the foyer eating sweets from the vending machine, all that leg flapping becomes a bit ridiculous. And that's how I see the economy. You're right, I am a moron.